I have 20 different other things that I was planning to write about, but tonight, this is what’s trying to escape from my brain. Here you go brain: freedom!
Why am I doing this?
This meaning blogging – because I should probably clarify that in all the daily frazzle that goes on. I have a ton of things taking up my time. I have 3 small children, we’re homeschooling, I’m an artist …. the list goes on and on. So why do I choose to dedicate such a massive block of my free time to writing posts on a blog?
Good question. Want the long answer or the short answer? (Ha! You know you’re getting the long answer, I’m just practicing my parenting jiu-jitsu skills. You know, the “offer two choices instead of telling them to do it” thing? Ok, nevermind.)
Short answer: I’m doing it for me. I’m writing for me. I’m trying desperately to keep some sort of sanity as I go through this crazy 2e life with my crazy little kids, and blogging helps me do it.
I started out blogging into the thin air of the web. No one heard. No one cared (some would argue that’s still the case.) I poured my heart and soul into writing about the despair, elation, fear, and worry that I was experiencing thanks to the Engineer. I decided long before I started that I wasn’t going to sugarcoat things. I was going to be real and as raw as I could stand without ripping my heart out.
I reached a really low point when we realized that we had no choice but to homeschool the Engineer. I wish I could say that I jumped happily into the task of homeschooling. I didn’t. I dragged my feet. I was worried. I was irritated. I was, frankly, a little depressed. I didn’t think that I could do this – homeschooling a twice-exceptional child with (at-the-time) massive issues and major meltdowns. And worse, I realized that whatever hopes of a career I had were just flushed down the toilet of family sacrifice.
Sure, I have a degree – a double major, actually. You think any employer will look twice at me by the time I’m done homeschooling? Nope. I’ll be old, with a 20-ish year gap between my last job and the present. Unemployable. Undesirable. The left-overs, the un-feminist, the horribly proper sacrificing mother, fit for nothing but running a register somewhere.
And being the practical “fix-it” kind of person that I am, I refused to give in to despair. I refused to give up. I decided that I was going to blog about it. I figured that after 20 years of homeschooling I would probably have enough to write a book on the subject if I just kept plugging away, right?
I wanted something to show for my time doing this thankless unpaid job. Society values producers. Well, I was going to produce. In spades! In a fit of special insanity, I decided to blog 3 times a week. Crazy, no?
My reasons have not so much changed as expanded. As I continued to blog and reach out to other writers and read other blogs, I discovered something about myself. I’m becoming a fierce advocate for gifted kids, quite out of the blue. In fact, before I started researching what was going on with the Engineer, I had a somewhat blah view of gifted. The “snowflake” view, we’ll call it: gifted isn’t a “thing,” it’s just a pushy parent issue. I should have known better, being married to Mr. Genius.
Today, I’m still writing for myself. First and foremost, it’s my blog. My chronicle of what life is like for us – my legacy, if you will, to my children. As my husband elegantly put it, “if you croak tomorrow they’ll have something to remember you by.” A wry voice in the ether, a crooked grin, a paean to chaos.
But now, my reasons have expanded to include you. You guys, my readers. To share with you, to let you know that you’re not alone. Your life might not look anything at all like mine, but I know that if you have a gifted kid, there are a lot of things that will resonate with you. You’ll recognize quirks, empathize with frustration, and cheer the little victories just like we do. You know where I’m coming from. You get it!
I am not alone. You are not alone. We’re stronger together, in this vast, varied family that we’ve grown across the internet.
In some ways, your kids are my kids. I’ve found out that I want to be their champion and cheerleading squad right along with you. That’s a huge part of the reason that I am so happy to be a Gifted Homeschoolers Forum blogger – because GHF is a champion for gifted kids too. And in a much bigger way than I am, honestly. I’m still small potatoes – GHF is right up there talking to congress and doing surveys.
So yeah, I’m going to keep blogging. I’m sticking with it. I’ll be here for the long run.
I’m not doing it for the (non-existent) money. Not for the fame (ha! what fame?) I’m not doing it to preach at anyone. I’m doing it for us. All of us, with the gifted kids and crazy lives.
Thanks for reading 🙂