Ow. ::adding more because it looks too short:: ::crap, now it’s too long::

Me, at 2 a.m. – I wonder what type of stitch they used? A blanket stitch? The edges look rolled, maybe a hem stitch?

Also me at 2 a.m. – there is NO EASY WAY TO SLEEP WITH THIS THING!

Me at 3 a.m. – somebody somewhere, HAS to have invented a gadget that lets us shower with a cast or bandage on. This trash bag strapped on with rubber bands is getting REALLY old. There might be a business opportunity in this …

Me at 4 a.m. THIS IS NOT FAIR! Why do I have to have A MIGRAINE TOO?!!”

What’s going on?

My medical issues and covid-19 finally collided with a bang. I have 4 procedures between now and Thanksgiving. The surgery nurse looked at me wide-eyed and said … “why?” Because we couldn’t and now we can and I don’t like hurting?

I do NOT do well with surgery. Nope. I went rounds making sure all the communication between the surgeon and 2 specialists happened. As it turns out, it didn’t happen well.

Surgeon: “what you’re already on is enough to deal with the pain post-surgery for most people.”

Me, trying not to scream: “I’m not most people. That’s to manage my daily issues. Add more pain, need more meds.”

Surgeon: “Oh, well, you were supposed to bring me a signed note from your specialists. My hands are tied. We can postpone the surgery if you like?” as I sit there with my gown on and IV in.

This is the same surgeon who was in disbelief that my significant carpel tunnel wasn’t even bothering me. Because everything else hurt more.

Doctors LOVE me! (not)

I’m pretty sure that somewhere in my patient file it says: “this patient is non-compliant and a complete bitch. Actually, I’m pretty sure EVERY patient file I have probably says that, starting with my teenage self’s orthodontist who really didn’t like the question “why?” I remember being really hurt the first time I read my file because I thought I was the most awesome, super not-annoying-really-want-to-get-this-over-helpful kind of patient.

The thing is, I am compliant, and helpful, and not-a-bitch. I’m also smart, do my research, and don’t tolerate jerks well.

Me: What did you guys use on the yellow piece? Because it’s stuck to my incision.

Nurse on the phone: YOU TOOK THE BANDAGE OFF? You’re not SUPPOSED to take it off!!

Me: well, it slid off my elbow and I had to put it back on. So I saw it. What’s the yellow thing?

Nurse on the phone: um … it has medication on it. It’s supposed to do that. I guess the bandage came loose when the swelling went down. Don’t take it off again!

Me: ok. (I guess I shouldn’t say I have to redo it at least twice a day? IT WON’T STAY ON!)

Stitches come out in a week. Then we’re doing the other arm. YAY?! I am SO EXCITED to do this ALL OVER AGAIN!

Someone tell me how to stop this thing from itching?

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